Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

Author:David Sedaris
Format: mobi, epub, azw3
Tags: Essays, Humorous stories, Humor, American, Form
ISBN: 9780316143462
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2004-06-01T05:00:00+00:00

The good news was that my blood sugar was normal. "You should count yourself lucky," Martin said. "Mine is all over the place." He showed me a scar on the crown of his head and told me of the time, several months earlier, when he’d awoken on the living-room floor, lying in a pool of blood. "Complete blackout," he said. "I must have hit the glass coffee table on my way down." A year before that, he’d passed out in the street and spent the night in the gutter. "With a condition like mine, anything can happen," he told me.

The implication was that he could not be held responsible for his actions. It was not a comforting message, but still I stayed, not because I felt sorry for him but because I didn’t know how to leave. It would have been awkward — or rather, more awkward — and while I definitely thought about it, the mechanics were beyond me. Then, too, I couldn’t help believe that I’d deserved to have my blood tested. I had asked whom his mother loved more, him or his sister. I’d thought I was clever, had prided myself on my ability to drive someone away, and this had been my punishment. The way I saw it, we were even.

When I’d finished with the bedroom, we moved on to the living room, Martin toddling two steps behind me. I gathered some scattered newspapers and magazines into a single pile and had just started dusting the TV when he sank down onto the sofa and activated a porno tape preset in the VCR. It was a military story. A buck private had failed to properly shine his sergeant’s boots, and now there would be hell to pay. "You ever seen this?" Martin asked. I told him I didn’t have a VCR, and as he pulled off his shorts, I turned away.

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